Many people are mortified the first time they step foot inside a foreign convenience store and can’t find that all important nocturnal accompaniment, the condom – lord knows I was!

Chances are if you’ve traveled abroad and gotten lucky, you know what I mean right?

In honour of those who’ve embarrassingly had to pull out their Belarusian pocket dictionaries and point out “condom” to the shop staff, here’s part one of our continuing 69/69 series: TravelSexLife’s 69 Countries, 69 Condoms.

Wrap up, stay safe and pull your little foreign lover closer.

Afghanistani Condom

Afghanistan

The Afghan condom’s promise of “long juice” and being “electronically tested” fills us with confidence every time. That’s because the act of love making in Afghanistan, no doubt, must be pretty charged with nervous energy. What with the sound of drones overhead and the constant knocking of the Taliban on the door…

Albanian Condom

Albania

Obviously Albania’s had a bit of past difficulty with men using condoms as some kind of halloween costume disguise instead of the purpose for which they were intended. What kind of Albanian design board approved this hellish work?

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Algerian Condom

Algerian Condom

Algeria’s condoms definitely trump Albania’s in the design stakes. Featuring what looks like a child’s drawing of a map, at least they recognise the purpose of the product: to prevent having children capable of drawing…

Armenian Condom

Armenia

Armenia’s pack of 12 looks pretty decent by TravelSexLife’s sexy standards. Boxed in blue and lubricated in “silicon oil”, this “Imperial” brand looks fit for Royalty indeed.

Australian Condom

Australia

Clearly Aussie men aren’t fans of wrapping up as this condom brand goes to extremes to emphasise that their products don’t “feel” like condoms at all. “Four Seasons” feature of a naked man on its packaging is also the most homo-erotic yet, something we here at TravelSexLife very much appreciate.

Azerbaijani Condom

Azerbaijan

Azerbaijan convinces us that it’s “OK” to wear condoms no matter how extreme hospital X-ray machines might be. Who the arms belong to is anybody’s guess. This one kind of reminds us spookily of the potters wheel scene in Ghost.

Belarusian Condom

Belarus

It’s great to see that Belarus has no time to mess around with fancy condom packaging. Instead they keep it simple. If Ronsil made condoms they’d definitely do it like this.

Does exactly what it says on the wrapper. Except we can’t read Cyrillic so possibly not…

Belgian Condom

Belgium

We’d like to say that Belgium’s own brand of condom has been tried and tested by TravelSexLife’s own piece of Brussel truffle Stephen Wright, but alas, he wouldn’t let on.

The Euro Glider’s blue and yellow design looks like somewhat of a homage to Sweden. Who, as we know, have very condom-worthy locals indeed.

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Brazilian Condom

So you didn’t know about the Brazilian condom fairy and the fact that on every young Brazilian’s first ejaculation a condom is neatly bestowed beneath their pillow?

Ok so that might not be true, but looking at this Brazilian brand’s design it’s not totally implausible…

Bulgarian Condom

Bulgaria

Taking a leaf out of Belarus’ book, the Bulgarian condom is another such example that likes to keep it simple. With the existence of “XXXL” however one can only assume that Bulgaria, despite it’s distinct lack of rainforest, is definitely home to a few anacondas.

Chinese Condom

China

We can’t really figure out what China was thinking with this one. Obviously they really like Lady and the Tramp. To the point that it makes them hard…

Aching to see which other Disney characters show up in our globe’s condoms? Prepared to hang your head in shame at what your country has to offer? Or perhaps you’re eager to debate which condom is the best in the world? Share your thoughts below, and check out the rest of TravelSexLife’s 69 Countries, 69 Condoms series:

Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI

(CC: HomeTheatreEquipment)

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