You want to introduce sex toys into the bedroom…but you don’t know where to start.
Sex toys are an awesome way to spice things up when you and your partner fall into a routine in the bedroom, since they make new positions and sensations possible. That said, it can feel awkward or scary to admit to your partner for the first time that you want to experiment with some new gadgets – you don’t want to embarrass them, bruise their ego, or make them feel like you’re not already satisfied with just them.
So, how do you skip the awkwardness and go straight for the toe-curling orgasms? In this article, we’ll explain our simple four-step process to introducing sex toys into the bedroom for the first time.
- Remember that it’s not a big deal
Before introducing the idea to your partner, try and remind yourself that it’s not as big of a deal in real life as you’re making it out to be in your head.
It’s completely normal to want to experiment with sex toys, alone and as a couple. In fact, you wanting to introduce it in your current relationship is a strong testament to how much you trust this person.
- Break the ice
If you’re always waiting for the right time to bring it up to your partner, you’ll probably never end up bringing it up at all. There isn’t an established, widely-accepted amount of time you need to be in a relationship before introducing sex toys into the mix.
Some people do it right at the beginning of the relationship, while others wait until it becomes harder for them to orgasm because of things like menopause or taking antidepressants. The only right time to introduce sex toys into the bedroom is when you decide you want to.
When you decide to finally break the ice, remember that delivery is key. The last thing you want to do is approach your partner looking totally nervous or scared and fail to explain why, since they’ll jump to the worst conclusions. When communicating with your partner about introducing sex toys into your relationship, try to rehearse what you want to say in advance and say it with confidence.
“I’ve been fantasizing about using a vibrating cock ring with you…I think it would feel really good and could free up our hands for other things…what do you think?”
“I love how it felt last night when we…and I found this toy that we could use to experiment more with that. Does that sound good to you?”
“Have you ever thought of trying a toy together? I think it’d be fun.”
When you focus on the experience itself of trying the toy together as a couple and you frame it as a discussion, it creates a more welcoming ambiance for your partner, instead of sending them on a worry spiral.
- Start shopping
After breaking the ice, the fun part begins: looking for the perfect sex toy for you and your lover. The best place to start is to consider what type of sex you two enjoy the most – anal, penetrative, oral, external rubbing of the clitoris or perineum?
The first toy you add to your couple’s collection should be something that complements the sex you two generally enjoy, and wouldn’t require a major change in your routine. If you’re introducing sex toys into the bedroom for the very first time, you might not want to start with something large or that gets in the way of your intimacy.
It also doesn’t hurt if the toy you choose happens to please both partners at once. If you both happen to love missionary, you can purchase a vibrating cock ring that can be slipped on easily without interrupting your sex to give her clitoral stimulation while keeping him partner harder for longer, with more powerful orgasms for both.
When using the toy for the first time, make sure you’re still reminding your partner how much you love them, their bodies and their genitals too, instead of focusing solely on the toy. But don’t be afraid to also show them how much fun you’re having.
If you’re completely lost about where to find the right sex toy for you, the best way to start is by browsing a sex toy shop to see what excites you. Once you’ve found your toy, spend time reading the instructions to figure out all the vibration patterns, modes and special features it offers, if any. The last thing you want during a steamy hookup is a mishap while like hitting the off button when you meant to press the boost button…right on the verge of orgasm.
- Talk about it after
After having sex with your partner using a sex toy, it’s important for you both to have an open and honest conversation about how it went – what went great, what could use some work, whether you thought it was the right toy for you at all, or if you want to take it even further and size up or get a pricier version.
But if things didn’t go perfectly the first time around, don’t be so hard on yourselves or the toy. Just like any kind of sexual activity, practice makes perfect, and it takes time to master the toy. Experiment with different positions, different ways of using the toy, and lather on a good lubricant or arousal oil for added support, especially if you’re using a more advanced toy like a large dildo. Eventually, you two will figure out what feels good.
And even if you don’t, that’s perfectly fine! Just like finding the right partner, searching for the ideal sex toy can take time and experimentation. There are thousands of unique toys out there – ones that thrust, rotate, vibrate, lick, and everything in between which can get online from reputable websites like HotCherry. If you’re open-minded and willing to be adventurous with your partner, you’re sure to find some new ways to take your sex to a whole other level, with or without a toy, and connect more to each other in the process.
However, keep in mind that if sex toys don’t end up being for you, that’s totally fine as well – they’re not necessarily for every couple. You should never do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.