Ask the Editor: Small Hole or Big Dick?

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Dear Editor
 
My girlfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time… but we couldn’t get it in. Like AT ALL. We’ve both had multiple sex partners before, but she mentioned that my dick was larger than what she’s used to. Is it possible she’s too small? Or am I too big? What can we do?
 
Randall, Los Angeles

If we lived in a world where it was as simple as playing shape-blocks with our genitals to attain supreme sexual satisfaction, no small hole would give time to a big dick, and we’d have a prominent drop in divorce rates between global households immediately.

Sadly, it’s not as simple as that.

Unless your penis is the size of a thick, tuberous root, it’s unlikely you’ll find a vagina – regardless of the women’s height, size or age – that couldn’t accommodate it to some degree. Vaginas are designed to expel people. However, that isn’t to say vaginas are continuous open spaces – there are limits to the depth, no matter how you squeeze or twist or turn. Like balloons. I digress.

It could be a variety of things – maybe you’re both inadequately lubricated. Or perhaps it’s performance anxiety on someone’s behalf. Maybe she took a look at the length and it made her nervous?

It’s also possible she’s constricting her PC (pubococcygeus) muscles, which could be a sign of vaginismus (a highly treatable condition wherein there is an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the vagina). Google vaginismus… but maybe turn on the SafeSearch first. Because yikes. You’re welcome.

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Or maybe you really are the length of an elephant’s trunk. If that’s the case, congratulations! And drink up, champ. Because you’re going to be awfully lonely at the top of the food chain. Because while the vagina has the capacity to expand, the depth is not, I repeat, a black hole.

I would highly recommend you two manage your expectations, try out some more lubrication, and work with your fingers first. If all else fails, see a doctor.

Michael

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